


I've Seen the End

by MargotSails



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Depression, F/F, Heavy Angst, slight mention of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-11
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-07 19:38:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 14,928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8813641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MargotSails/pseuds/MargotSails
Summary: Alex has an encounter with an alien that shows her, her own future. The sight sends her into a long downward spiral of self-destruction. (Complete)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This won't be all doom and gloom. Promise.

They had been warned over and over to not let the alien touch their bare skin, when going into the building to apprehend the suspect. The word was that just a simple touch to bare skin could cause you to see your future. And apparently that knowledge was too much for a human to handle.

 

Alex Danvers was one of the first into the building and all hell broke loose nearly instantly. Nobody had mentioned that the alien would be armed and would have backup. They were mostly prepared for any scenario, but it still sucked to be ambushed on a simple alien grab mission.

 

Alex had dived behind a large barrel as the battle started. She was firing her weapon blindly toward where most of the weapon fire was coming from. She was in an uncomfortable crouched position and her arms were tiring quickly.

 

Finally, there was a large gust of air and Supergirl joined in the fray. While relieved it was also another thing to worry about as Alex always worried about Kara in these situations.

 

Alex was focused on the armed aliens and never noticed the large alien approaching to her left. She jumped as the alien grabbed her by the shoulder, its bare hand meeting her neck, the fight faded away and she was confronted with dream like images…

 

_Alex sitting in a bar, a row of empty shot glasses in front of her. She can feel the pain_

_and loneliness. This Alex is empty. The scene changes to Kara and Alex fighting like, like she’s_

_never seen before. Alex can’t hear what is being said but can feel the rage and pain radiating off them_

_both. Suddenly Kara is gone and Alex feels without a doubt, it’s for good._

_It all ends with Alex alone in the dark, in pain, a loaded gun against her head._

She was jolted back to the present with a scream. There were hands holding her down and she fought against them with all she had, even though it was ineffectual.

 

“Alex,” Kara’s voice broke through the panic, “It’s OK, you’re safe.”

 

Alex calmed down and focused on the worried face above her, “What happened?” she sat up, now that she was no longer being held down.

 

“I don’t know,” Kara answered, sitting down on the edge of Alex’s bed. “After we got the Shrell, I found you unconscious on the ground.”

 

Alex nodded as everything suddenly came flooding back to her.

 

“It touched you. Didn’t it?” J’onn asked from the doorway.

 

Alex nodded.

 

“You saw your future?” Kara grasped Alex’s hand.

 

“Yes,” was all Alex offered in reply. She removed her hand from Kara’s, “I would like to go home,” she spoke to J’onn. She ignored the worried look he shared with Kara.

 

“Of course,” J’onn finally answered.

 

Alex left with only a few half-hearted reassurances to Kara. She just wanted to lock herself away. She could still feel the pain and rage from the visions. She needed to get away. She needed to not feel. She was sure the pain would never go away.

 

She found herself at the bar Maggie had introduced her to not so long ago. She was thankful that since it was early in the day that Maggie was nowhere in sight. She didn’t need that added to the mess in her head. She ordered the strongest thing that wouldn’t kill her and downed it quickly, nearly choking on the burn. She kept ordering drinks until she was numb.

 

* * *

 

She called in to work complaining of sickness the next day, and no one questioned her. Kara called in to check on her, but Alex was able to keep her away by saying she was going to sleep all day. After seeing what she saw in the visions, just hearing Kara’s voice hurt.

 

With her hangover, still in full swing she found herself once again at the alien bar, drinking herself into numbness.

 

“You look troubled,” a voice to her left startled her.

 

Alex didn’t respond.

 

The alien beside her was beautiful. Light blue, nearly translucent skin and large black eyes. “When this isn’t enough,” she said gesturing toward Alex’s empty glass, “Come see me,” she slid a card in Alex’s direction, and then she was gone.

 

Alex placed the card in her pocket without really looking at it, the alcohol making it hard to focus.

 

* * *

 

It had been three weeks since Alex's encounter with the Shrell and the eighth day she had shown up to work hungover and wearing the same clothes as the day before. Anytime J'onn or Kara had tried to talk to her she would dismiss them, usually rudely. She didn’t need their worried looks or pity.

 

She hasn't told anyone about what she saw in the visions and subconsciously she knows that she needs help, but she can't get the visions out of her head and if that's what is going to happen to her what is the use in fighting it.

 

They’re having a debriefing and Alex can't control the tremor in her hands. It had started the day before and was getting worse. She was sure it had to do with the intense craving for a drink she was suffering.

 

She had taken to alcohol more and more as she tried to lose the thoughts in her head. She had discovered also that anonymous, meaningless sex with beautiful women was easy when you were nearly out of your mind drunk.

 

She had gone from an inexperienced, “new” lesbian, who had been turned down by the one woman she wanted, to a popular commodity in the National City lesbian circles. The alcohol and the sex were both very temporary solutions to her problem and she found herself resorting to both more frequently.

 

"Are we boring you agent Danvers?" the lead agent of the last mission, Jarod, asked irritated.

 

Alex shrugged, "I didn't know you were talking," she answered honestly. She had never liked the cocky bastard.

 

"Alex," J'onn warned.

 

Alex didn't respond she just held the gaze of the offended agent, "Why are you acting like you had anything to do with the success of that mission, Jarod?" Alex asked, her verbal censor obviously turned off. "I saw it, you let everyone go in first and stayed in the back while everyone took fire. Then when the coast was clear you came out from hiding and took the suspect from Jenkins, who was actually the one to take down the guy."

 

Everyone looked uncomfortable. Jarod's face was a study of fury as he leaned over the desk toward Alex his fist clenched.

 

Alex smirked and stood up, "What? You wanna hit me big boy?"

 

"Agent Danvers! That is enough!" J'onn shouted, rising to his feet. "Come with me," he said grabbing her arm and pulling her roughly through the door and down the hall to an empty room.

 

Alex's head was pounding and she was annoyed at being treated like a child, "You know it's true, J'onn. He watches his own ass and then swoops in and takes all the credit."

 

J'onn stood close to her, "This isn't about Jarod. You haven’t been yourself lately, Alex."

 

Alex scoffed, "I haven't been sleeping," it was the truth, mostly.

 

The door opened and Kara walked in in all her Supergirl glory, "Everyone's talking about the meeting. What's going on Alex?"

 

Alex went on the offensive, not liking being tagged up on, "I was just calling out an asshole, for being an asshole. And daddy here got mad," she said condescendingly.

 

Kara gasped and Alex enjoyed the shock on her face. A quick flash of hurt crossed J’onn’s face before he could school his features. Alex couldn’t find it in herself to care.

 

"Alex this isn't like you," Kara said, with concern in her voice. "What's going on?"

 

Alex sighed and rubbed her eyes. It was becoming increasingly hard to concentrate, "Nothing is wrong," she barked defensively.

 

"You're doing the bare minimum here," J'ohh started. "You're snapping at everyone and being reckless. I probably should have done something before now, but I thought you would eventually come to either me or Kara for help," he looked at Alex sadly. "We can't help you if you won't let us."

 

Alex just stared at the two of them, not saying anything. These were the two most integral people in her life and when it comes down to the end she is going to be alone and in pain, "I can't do this." And with that she walks away, ignoring the calls of her name.

 

* * *

 

Three hours later she was sitting in a bar she had never been in, feeling numb. The bartender probably should have stopped serving her an hour ago, but she learned that if she kept tipping him, he kept serving her.

 

The bar was busy, but no one was bothering her and the alcohol was decent. She grimaced when the door was opened and the dark interior was filled with the bright light from outside. A rowdy bunch of men and women streamed in, yelling and joking with each other, Alex rolled her eyes.

 

"Hey, Danvers," a familiar voice called before she felt someone step up beside her.

 

Alex finally looked up, spotting Maggie Sawyer standing there, looking confident in her leather jacket.

 

"Well looks like someone's already had a few."

 

Usually the sight of Maggie would send a thrill through Alex, but tonight there was nothing, "I've had several," she admitted turning more to face the woman.

 

Maggie was looking at her with her head titled slightly, there was concern there, "What's going on?"

 

Alex slammed back the rest of her drink slamming the glass on the bar, "Nothing, life is great," Alex admitted smiling at Maggie, but there was no happiness in it.

 

"You need to go home," Maggie said, her voice serious. "Come on I'll drive you," she offered reaching for Alex's arm.

 

Alex pulled away before she could grab it, "I can get myself home." She stood up, the room spinning, but she was getting used to the feeling and didn't even stumble as she moved passed the other woman, trying not to inhale the subtle scent of her perfume.

 

She was a little surprised, when Maggie didn't follow her out of the building, but only a few minutes later she heard Supergirl land behind her. Of course, she would call her.

 

"I'm OK Kara," Alex said not bothering to look at her.

 

"Then you won't mind if I walk you home," Kara answered falling into step beside her.

 

They were nearly a mile away from Alex's apartment. Alex had walked, even though she wanted to be drunk that didn't mean she would put other people in danger by driving drunk.

 

The walk was done mostly in silence, but Alex could feel Kara watching her. She just didn't have it in her to placate Kara at the moment. When they reached the apartment, Kara walked her to the door and followed her in. The place was a mess, there was empty bottles and food containers covering most of the surfaces. Kara didn't say anything.

 

"J'onn said you should just stay home a couple of days," Kara said carefully. "He wants you to take some time to pull yourself together."

 

"Thanks for telling me," Alex kicked off her shoes and collapsed on the sofa. She wasn't sure how long she was laying there before she felt a blanket being placed over her and Kara placing a gentle kiss on her head.

 

Alex made it until Kara closed the door behind her before the tears came.


	2. Chapter 2

Alex woke to her phone going off. She quickly determined that by the light feeling the room, it was around noon. She picked up the phone and found a text from Kara…

 

Kara: _**ARE YOU ALIVE?**_

 

Alex rolled her eyes.

 

Alex: _ **YES**_

 

Alex tossed the phone back onto the table and fell back against the couch. She felt horrible, and not just hangover horrible. The visions were playing on a near constant loop now, all she could see was Kara leaving and she could feel the pain, the emptiness she had felt as she held the gun to her own head.

 

Standing quickly, she moved to her refrigerator and pulled out a beer. She pooped the top and downed nearly the whole thing on the first drink. Leaning against the counter, a card caught her attention. It was from the blue alien at the bar. It was for a place called Bliss and besides an address the card held little else.

 

She stood leaning against the counter, twirling the card in her hands, before coming to a decision and jumping in the shower. Fifteen minutes later she was grabbing her helmet and heading out the door.

 

It took several tries, to find Bliss tucked into an alleyway. Alex stood outside the door hesitating, she wasn't sure what to expect when she opened the door, but the sight that greeted her was a surprise.

 

There was a large water piece right as you entered the door and green vegetation covered nearly every available space. As she moved further into the room she spotted a desk with a petite alien nearly identical to the one who had given her the card, when she sensed Alex she looked up with a welcoming smile, "She's been expecting you."

 

Alex frowned, "Who has?"

 

The sound of someone else entering the room drew Alex's attention toward a hidden door close by. The alien from the bar exited, with a man who looked at Alex uncomfortably and then hurried passed and left the building.

 

"Hello there," she spoke. "I was expecting your visit, weeks ago," she smiled and gestured for Alex to go through the door behind her. The room beyond was much the same with live plants and another water feature. “It reminds me of home,” the alien explained, as she sat on a chair behind a very official looking desk.

 

Alex sat in the chair that the alien gestured to, on the other side of the desk, “What is this place?”

 

“We will get to that in a bit. Allow me to introduce myself first,” she smiled. “My name is Soase. I am the owner of this fine establishment,” Soase chuckles, “I’ve always wanted to say that.” When she gets no response from Alex she moves on.

 

She stands and moves to the side of the desk Alex is sitting, running her hand along Alex’s shoulders as she passes, Alex can’t help the shudder the caress induces.

 

“I help people like you,” Soase continued.

 

“What kind of person am I?” Alex interrupted.

 

Soase stands behind Alex resting both hands on Alex’s shoulders, leaning close to her ear, “Someone who wants to forget,” she says simply. She moves her hands lower grazing the tops of Alex's breast, while leaning down and kissing Alex's neck.

 

Alex wants to get up, but she wants it to continue more.

 

"Do you want to forget?" Soase asks, her voice husky. Her hands caressing Alex's chest, her lips at her neck.

 

The edges of Alex's consciousness are fuzzy. She feels like she's drifting. The feel of Soase's hands is amazing. She feels a slight sting and then everything is magnified. She feels nothing but what's happening to her body. The thoughts are gone. The pain is gone, "Yes," she whispers.

 

* * *

 

It has been a week since Alex's text of simply "yes" since Kara has heard or seen Alex. She has gone to all of Alex's regular spots and asked everyone she can think of for news, but there has been no sign of her. She goes out every night checking every place again and again.

 

Tonight, she's at the alien bar, she's dejected when she doesn't see Alex upon entering even though she wasn't really expecting to see her anyway. She does however spot Maggie Sawyer sitting alone at a table nursing a beer, she makes her way over, "Detective?"

 

Maggie turns and offers a smile, "Yes?"

 

"I am Alex Danvers sister," Kara offers.

 

"Oh yeah. Sit down please," Maggie says gesturing toward the empty chair across from her. "What can I do for you?"

 

"You haven't by chance talked to or seen Alex lately, have you?" Kara questioned.

 

Maggie's expression turned worried, "No I haven't seen her sense I called you that night. What's happened?"

 

Kara sighed, rubbing tiredly at her eyes, "She was acting strangely for a long time, but now she's just disappeared. No one’s heard from her for a week now."

 

"Oh wow," Maggie sounded surprised. "Has anything like this happened before?" Maggie was in cop mode.

 

Kara shook her head, "No. We've always kept contact with each other, no matter what's going on in our lives."

 

"I know you've probably got the whole DEO on it, but I will ask around and see if I can find out anything," Maggie offered, laying a hand over Kara's where it sat on the table.

 

Kara smiled, "We will take all the help we can get. Thank you." She stood up wearily, "I have a few more stops to make tonight."

 

Maggie stood to, "I’ll start asking around right now."

 

They left together but went their own way once outside, Kara check several more bars before heading back to Alex's apartment just in case. She let herself in, "Alex?"

 

There was no response, but there were some subtle differences to the place from the last time she had been there, just like there always was. An empty beer bottle sat on the bar and there were clothes strewn across the floor heading toward the bedroom. Alex's favorite jacket that had been on the back of the couch was now missing, as were her favorite boots that stayed by the door.

 

Kara tried to take comfort in the fact that Alex was obviously coming home, but it was a very small comfort.

 

* * *

 

 Two days later with still no news Maggie called Kara and asked to meet her. They decided to meet in the park and Maggie was waiting on a bench when Kara walked up, "Did you find something?" Kara asked hopefully.

 

Maggie grimaced slightly, "Yes and no. Several of my sources kept mentioning a place called Bliss," she started explaining.

 

"What kind of place is that?" Kara asked, frowning.

 

"I can't really get a straight answer out of anyone and no one seems to know where it actually is, or they’re just unwilling to tell me," Maggie hesitates slightly.

 

"You can tell me," Kara encourages.

 

"There was one consistent thing all of my sources said, and that was to find her before it's too late."

 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Kara asked, her fear filling her with dread.

 

"Well like I said no one was very forthcoming, but I did some searching and this Bliss place, has come up several times in cases of dead bodies found."

 

Kara felt light headed. She felt Maggie's reassuring hand on her back rubbing gentle circles.

 

"The DEO has a much further reach than the NCPD does. Maybe they can find this place," Maggie offered.

 

Kara sat up straighter, trying to pull herself together, "You're right. Can you come in with me and share what you know with J'onn and the others?"

 

"Yeah, but I'm not letting you fly me."

 

It took a second for the words to register, "Alex told you about me?"

 

Maggie chucked, "No. You can't expect a simple pair of glasses to fool everyone."

 

Kara laughed for the first time in days, "I guess you have a point," she pushed up her glasses subconsciously.

 

"Come on I'll drive," Maggie offered getting back to business.

 

Only a short twenty minutes later, Kara, J'onn, Winn, and Maggie were all gathered around the computer console as Winn searched for any information regarding Bliss.

 

"There’s a shockingly small amount on here," Winn said, frustration coating his tone. "Like Maggie said just some references to it in cases. All of them are unsolved. Whatever and wherever this place is, it's kept completely offline."

 

"There's not any way to do a city search?" Kara asked.

 

"What would we search for? We don't know if this place is alien run or human run. We don’t know anything," Winn explained.

 

"So, we have absolutely nothing," J'onn grated out angrily, slamming his fist on the desk.

 

"Alex is good. If she doesn't want to be found, we won't find her," Winn said with a shrug.

 

"I will keep on my sources and see if I can scare some more information out of them. I'll let you know if I find out anything," Maggie offered.

 

Kara smiled at the generous woman, "Thank you."

 

* * *

 

Maggie made it outside the building and to the car before tears of frustration began to stream down her face. She hated feeling useless, and hated even more not knowing what was happening with Alex.

 

As much as she could deny to herself how she felt for Alex, the truth was it was tearing her apart being away from her. Denying Alex that night she had kissed Maggie was the hardest thing she could ever remember doing. But Maggie's fear of relationships and just newly out women in general, had caused her great grief.

 

She should have been there to know that Alex was hurting. She had seen it that night in the bar, but convinced herself that it wasn't her place. She should have been there for Alex. She could have prevented all of this from happening. And now she could lose Alex without ever truly having her.

 

* * *

 

 Kara was back in Alex's apartment the next day after sitting outside it for hours. But when she went inside the jacket and boots were back but there was no sign of Alex. Even more disturbing was several lamps and nick-knacks on the tables of Alex's living room were knocked over. But in her bedroom, it was cleaner and the bed had been made and there was fresh laundry folded on the surface. Kara had no idea what to think of any of it.

 

* * *

 

 Alex lived in a constant haze. She wasn't sure how many days it had been or even if had only been hours. The thoughts were blessedly gone and the pain simply a memory.

 

She enjoyed the pleasure of Soase's hands running over her body. Her nails scraping down Alex's stomach. The sucking kisses she placed down her body as she placed herself between Alex's legs.

 

In this haze of pleasure, she could simply forget.


	3. Chapter 3

It was approaching nearly two weeks of Alex missing and Kara was sinking further into her own depression. She had continued to search every night looking for Alex. Maggie and the others doing the same, but they continued to turn out empty handed.

 

“Kara!” she jumped as her name was called from close by. Turning she saw Maggie rushing toward her. Much like herself, Maggie had dark circles under her eyes and looked exhausted. “I think I have something that might help us find Alex.”

 

It was the first good news they had gotten.

 

“It’s a name. Soase. One of my sources said that she possibly has something to do with Bliss,” Maggie explained breathlessly.

 

“Did you say Soase?” Winn asked from where he was already typing on the computer. “I’ve seen that name before.”

 

“What’s going on?” J’onn asked as he approached the others.

 

“We might have something on Alex,” Kara said determination rushing through her veins.

 

After several minutes of furious typing Winn finally has something, “Soase is a Klynse. They are all the time getting in trouble with the law for unsavory behavior,” Winn looked uncomfortable.

 

“What is it?” Kara asked, not sure if she would be able to take any more, bad news.

 

“Klynse are well known for operating illegal businesses… a certain type of um… business,” Winn hedged.

 

“Spit it out Mr. Schott,” J’onn commanded firmly.

 

“They run brothels,” Winn finally said succinctly.

 

The group was silent.

 

"A brothel," Kara questioned. "You mean, paying for sex?" she was confused.

 

"In most cases, yes," Winn answered. "But in the case of the Klynse you pay with sex."

 

"What do mean?" Maggie asked also trying to wrap her mind around this new information.

 

"From why I can understand, the Klynse race are essentially vampires for lack of a better term," Winn explained. "They need blood that is Serotonin and Norepinephrine rich, which when aroused human blood is."

 

"We never dealt with this race on Krypton," Kara mused out loud.

 

"Your blood wouldn't be the right type," J'onn supplied.

 

"Why would Alex be a part of something like this?" Maggie broke into the conversation.

 

"When the Shrell touched her, it messed her up," J'onn explained. "I've seen men completely lose their minds after an Shrell encounter.”

 

"What could Alex possibly get out of letting a Klynse have her blood?" Kara asked, knowing there had to be more to it.

 

"The Klynse, inject their "clients" with a toxin that they naturally produce and it has a euphoric effect on humans," Winn answered.

 

"She's using it to forget," Kara whispered to herself, her eyes stinging with tears.

 

"We don't even know for sure that Alex is even a part of this," Maggie offered.

 

"It's the closest thing we have to any evidence though," J'onn pointed.

 

"And we still don't even know where this Bliss place is," Maggie began but was interrupted by her phone going off. She stepped away from the group as she answered.

 

"Are you OK?" Winn asked Kara gently.

 

Kara shook her head, "Not really."

 

Maggie hurried back to the group, "That was a buddy of mine, I asked to keep an eye on anything regarding Alex. The cops were just called to Alex's apartment. There were gunshots."

 

It took Kara only minutes to land outside of Alex's apartments balcony, causing several of the cops inside to jump. When Kara stepped into the he apartment she noticed first a man lying dead on the floor and then she noticed Alex sitting on the couch, hands covered in blood, looking completely out of it.

 

Kara sat on the couch beside Alex moving slowly, almost afraid that Alex would simply disappear, "Alex?"

 

Alex turned and look at Kara, and Kara gasped. Alex looked at her like she didn't even know her, "What happened?" Kara asked.

 

"He attacked me," Alex said matter of factly.

 

"Do you know who he is?" Kara asked.

 

Alex nodded. But wasn't forthcoming with any other information.

 

"Um, Supergirl?" Kara looked up as a young officer stepped up beside them. "May I speak to you over here please?" Kara was hesitant but followed the officer away from Alex.

 

"Has your friend ever had a drug problem?" the officer asked.

 

Kara scoffed, "No. Never."

 

"It's just she's been very out of it since we got here and she hasn't given us a lot of information."

 

Kara looked back to Alex and then looked around the apartment, it was a mess. There had definitely been a fight, "She's probably in shock. This was obviously self-defense," Kara defended.

 

The officer looked skeptical, but just nodded anyway.

 

"Where’s Alex?" Maggie asked as she walked up to Kara and the officer.

 

Kara and the officer both turned toward the couch, but it was empty.

 

"Hey!" the officer yelled at the other cops in the room, "Where did she go?"

 

"I'm right here," Alex said from the bedroom doorway.

 

Kara felt weak from the relief, thinking she had lost her again.

 

"I wanted to get the blood off my hands," Alex explained raising her now clean hands.

 

Maggie and Kara stood back while Alex was questioned, "I don't know who that person is," Kara said quietly. Watching a completely emotionless Alex answering the officer’s questions.

 

Maggie nodded in agreement.

 

The officer soon returned to Kara’s side, "It’s a pretty cut and dry case," he explained. "We're going to take her to the station to sign some papers and clean up any lose ends and then she will be released."

 

Kara was surprised, but relieved, "Thank you." She stopped Alex who was heading out the door, "Please call me when you can leave so I can come get you," she asked.

 

Alex again looked at her with unfamiliar eyes, "Sure," and then she was gone.

 

Kara and most of the cops and DEO of the city had gotten drawn into a major attack on the city and it wasn't until hours later that Kara made her way to the police department.

 

"I'm looking for Alex Danvers," Kara told the woman behind the desk.

 

She quickly typed something into the computer, "She was let go, two hours ago."

 

Kara wasn't even surprised at this point, but the pain was palpable. She called Maggie on the off chance that Alex had called her for help, but she hadn't and once again Alex was just gone.

 

* * *

 

 "Have you been sleeping?" Maggie asked Kara as she placed a plate in front of her.

 

In the week that had passed since Alex had reappeared and then disappeared, Kara and Maggie had bonded. They would meet daily and go over any news or new clues that happened to surface. Maggie had told Kara about her true feelings for Alex and how she regretted, denying Alex and hurting her.

 

"Not really," Kara answered the question.

 

The only thing they still knew was that Alex was still going to her apartment. Only a day after the shooting the apartment had been cleaned and rearranged and now looked like nothing had ever happened.

 

No matter how hard they both tried they could never actually catch Alex in the apartment or anywhere near it.

 

"You need to take better care of yourself," Maggie scolded Kara lightly. "Alex will be pissed if you make yourself sick."

 

Kara looked up at Maggie from picking at her food, "Do you really think we can get her back?" Kara asked doubt coating her words. "You saw her that day. There was barely any her left," tears slid down Kara's cheeks. "She looked at me like she didn't even know me."

 

"I'm not going to pretend that I know what's going on with Alex right now,” Maggie sat beside Kara and placed a hand on her arm. "But I do know that she is probably the strongest person I've met and won't let this beat her," she squeezed Kara's hand. "So, you have to take better care of yourself because she is going to need all the help she can get to fight back from this."

 

The little speech helped because Kara, nodded and then started to eat her food like she hadn't eaten in days, which was true. She ate in silence for several minutes before asking, “Do you really think we can get her back?” It had been so long and it seemed impossible for Kara to believe that things could ever be the way there were.

 

“I have no doubts,” Maggie said with confidence. “We’re going to figure out how to find this Bliss place, and we’re going to get her,” she had to keep believing.

 

“I don’t understand how we haven’t found it yet. How is it possible?” Kara asked around bites of her food.

 

Maggie shrugged, shaking her head, “I don’t know.”

 

* * *

 

 It took Alex several long minutes to figure out where she was. She was always confused for hours after a session with Soase. She had no idea what day of the week it was. She wasn't sure how long it had been since the incident in her apartment. Seeing Kara and Maggie had been rough and she had gone immediately for a visit to Bliss after leaving the jail.

 

She hasn’t been herself in so long, that this new her has become the normal. She used to be independent and strong, but now she was becoming more dependent on Soase and the services of Bliss, and she wasn’t sure how much of it was her own doing.

 

She knows that they inject her with something, a toxin of some sort. She’s not sure if she even gives them permission, but it feels so good and she has no worries while it’s in her system. But she’s lost herself, and she doesn’t know if she wants to get it back. She’s confused.

 

“Alex,” Soase says her name seductively. “You’re thinking too much.”

 

Alex frowns, she doesn’t know where she is anymore. She’s fighting the haze for once, not sure if she wants it.

 

“You’re mine, Alex,” she hears Soase say before the familiar release of reality takes her.

 

* * *

 

 "Hello?" Kara answers her cell, distractedly.

 

"Meet me at the DEO," Maggie says succinctly, hanging up without waiting for a reply.

 

Kara gets there in less than five minutes, knowing that it had to be news on Alex for Maggie to call her personally.

 

"Last night some cops found a guy wandering through the streets half clothed," Maggie started explaining as soon as everyone had gathered. "He was completely out of it, but kept talking about Bliss."

 

Kara gasped, they hadn’t gotten any form of clues in days.

 

“He even said the name Soase,” Maggie said, determination in her voice. “He wasn’t really making any sense, but they were able to get some information out of him. He was talking about how it was hard to find Bliss, that the location changes.”

 

“That explains why we couldn’t find any trail of it,” Winn observed.

 

“Right. He was too out of it to give us an exact location, but he kept talking about the alley and smelling Chinese food,” Maggie sighed. “That’s really all we could get out of him. There has to be a thousand Chinese restaurants in the city, but that’s more than we had yesterday.”

 

“There are 843 Chinese places in National City to be exact,” Winn said after typing on the computer for a few seconds. “And more than half of them have alley access.”

 

Maggie sighed in frustration, “Yeah that’s what I figured.”

 

“It’s something, at least we know what we’re looking for now,” Kara said trying to look at the positive.

 

“Yeah, I guess,” Maggie looked at her watch, “I have to go, we’re about to do a raid on a possible alien drug trafficker.”

 

“Do you need any help?” Kara offered.

 

“No, it’s a small operation, we aren’t expecting much of a fight.”

 

* * *

 

 Maggie ignored the glare of her boss as she sidled up to the huddled group, still fastening her bulletproof vest. Thankfully he didn’t say anything and just continued to go over the plan of infiltration. Maggie listened intently while checking her gun. The target was on the premises and Maggie’s adrenaline kicked up as they moved into position. She was vaguely aware of the smell of some amazing Chinese food and realized she hadn’t eaten all day.

 

They entered hard and fast all shouting and the few people inside, screaming in alarm. The place was full of vegetation and it made it hard for the nine agents to move smoothly. The first ones in, quickly had all the civilians in the front room on the ground and cuffed. Maggie was with the second team and moved on through to the back.

 

From layouts, they had of the building, there was two rooms in the back. Maggie was the lead man in and kicked open the door, she was about to yell but the words were trapped in her throat as she was confronted with a topless Alex laying on a bed with a blue alien sprawled out beside her.

 

Fury spread through Maggie as she took in the alien’s hands caressing Alex. From where she was standing Maggie couldn’t tell for sure if Alex was even conscious. “Get on the ground,” Maggie yelled, at the alien, who smirked, but did as she was told.

 

Maggie cuffed the alien and passed her off to one of the other detectives and asked if everyone could clear the room. When it was only her and Alex she quickly covered Alex’s exposed chest, “Alex?” Maggie asked quietly as she kneeled on the bed. Alex was shaking and moaning weakly, her brows furrowed as if she was scared.

 

Maggie pulled out her phone and quickly dialed Kara, “I have Alex.”

 

It was barely two minutes later, that Supergirl rushed into the room, “Oh my God, Alex.”

 

“You need to get her to the DEO,” Maggie said, almost frantic. Alex was shaking harder now, blood dripping from her left nostril.

 

Supergirl scooped Alex up into her arms, as if she was a child, while talking to her quietly. She met eyes with Maggie, “She’ll be OK.”

 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Maggie said, right before Supergirl rushed out of the room. For the first time since she was a small child and her mother made her do it every night, Maggie found herself praying.


	4. Chapter 4

Maggie found Kara standing outside a room where several people were bustling around Alex.

 

"Do you know anything?" Maggie asked, stepping up beside Kara.

 

"They sedated her. She was fighting them."

 

As she was talking, several alarms started to blare and Alex began convulsing on the bed. Kara reached down and grasped Maggie's hand as they watched helplessly.

 

A half hour later one of the doctors came out of the room. J'onn had joined them minutes earlier.

 

"She seems stable, but the toxins in her are fighting the sedative and she's had a seizure," the doctor explained.

 

"Oh God," Kara cried.

 

"We took several scans of her brain and it’s not like anything we've seen before. Her beta and theta waves are both working overtime."

 

"What does that mean?" Maggie asked.

 

"Usually they would be working opposite of each other, but whatever state she is in, she's alert, but she's also not. I honestly don't even know how to explain it," the doctor admitted.

 

"Is she going to be OK?" Kara asked, that being all she really cared about.

 

"Like I said she's seems stable, but we won't know anything concrete until we understand what's happening in her brain or when she wakes up."

* * *

Kara had been by Alex's bed for four days now. She had yet to regain consciousness. She had been so used to Alex being still that it took several seconds for Alex's clenching hand to register.

 

"She's moving," Kara said to the doctor who was sitting at a desk nearby.

 

The doctor rushed over and checked the monitors, "I think she's trying to wake up," the doctor said with a smile.

 

Twelve hours later Kara, Maggie, J'onn and Winn all stood around Alex's bed as she still fought to wake up. She was shaking much as she had been when Maggie first discovered her. Both hands were moving like she was reaching for something. Kara had tried to hold her hand but she had been shrugged off.

 

Twenty-four restless hours later Kara and Maggie stood over Alex as her eyes fluttered.

* * *

The weight holding Alex finally seemed to lift and she could suddenly breathe. She opened her eyes but quickly closed them as the light was blinding. She had to try several times before she was finally able to stand the light in the room. She was met with the concerned faces of Kara and Maggie.

 

"You're here?" Alex was surprised to see them, even though she wasn't even sure where she was.

 

Kara frowned slightly, "Of course we are. Where else would we be?"

 

"Gone," Alex said. She sighed and looked around, relieved she wasn't at Bliss, "Gone forever," Alex looked at Kara and then at Maggie, taking in their concerned faces. "What happened?" Alex had no idea what was going on.

 

"We found you," was all Kara said. "You had us so worried."

 

"Where am I?"

 

"You’re at the DEO."

 

Alex nodded like that made perfect sense, even though it made no sense, "Can I go to sleep?"

 

Kara gave her a strange look, “Yes,” she moved over Alex and kissed her on the forehead, “We’ll be here when you wake up.”

* * *

The next time Alex woke up she knew where she was. She was still in the med bay of the DEO. She sat up slightly, and could see Kara and Maggie asleep in chairs near the foot of her bed. They both looked very uncomfortable. They obviously hadn’t left her side. A loud noise from outside caused them both to jerk awake. They both turned to Alex nearly simultaneously, and smiled.

 

Alex took in the exhausted faces of the two women in front of her, "How long have you two been here?" she asked.

 

"You've been in here nearly a week," Kara answered, "We've been here the whole time. Well except when I've been called away for an emergency. Maggie has been here the whole time."

 

Alex was confused again. She was supposed to be alone. People who stand by your side like this don't just leave. She must have been quiet too long because, Maggie and Kara's expressions turned worried. Alex tried to smile, but wasn't sure if she succeeded, "I'm better now. You both should go home and get some real rest."

 

Maggie and Kara looked at each.

 

"I'm serious guys. I'm OK," Alex tried to put as much conviction in her voice as she could. In reality she wasn't sure if it was true.

 

After nearly half an hour of trying to convince them Maggie and Kara reluctantly left. Promising to return later that day.

 

"Are you OK with me being here?" Maggie had asked her before she left. Alex had said yes and that had been the truth.

 

As they left Alex really took stock of herself. She was still confused and almost felt like she was in a dream. Everything was a little fuzzy around the edges. She couldn’t remember what had happened while she was “missing”. What she did remember with startling clarity, were the visions the Shrell had given her.

 

She was having an internal battle with herself trying to keep the thoughts away when J’onn walked into the room, “It’s good to see you awake,” he said, standing at the foot of her bed.

 

Alex didn’t say anything. She wasn’t sure how to act in front of him now. He seemed like a stranger, everything was so messed up.

 

“You should have come to me for help,” he continued despite her silence. “I’ve dealt with people who have had Shrell visions.”

 

Alex closed her eyes, the visions flashing against her eyelids, “I don’t think you can help me,” she admitted.

 

“I don’t know a lot about the Shrell’s abilities,” J’onn explained. “I do know that what they show you isn’t set in stone.”

 

Alex had a brief flash of hope, but then it was gone. The visions seemed so inevitable, she couldn’t believe that they were anything but the truth.

 

“I’m going to push everyone away, and then I’m going to die alone, by my own hand,” Alex said out loud for the first time.

 

J’onn eyes widened slightly.

 

“That’s what I saw. Kara’s going to leave me and then I’m going to give up,” Alex said tears running down her face. She wiped angrily at them and sat up swinging her legs to the side of the bed and started pulling out the IV’s and leads connected to her.

 

“I won’t set here and wait for it to happen,” she said as she stood up, grasping the bed when a wave of dizziness made her waver.

 

“You can’t leave Alex,” J’onn said, stepping forward and grasping her arm.

 

“You can’t hold me here against my will,” Alex yanked her arm out of his grasp.

 

“If I think you’re going to hurt yourself, I certainly can,” J’onn grabbed her arm again and motioned for the doctor who was standing nervously nearby.

 

“I want to go,” Alex said, hating that she sounded petulant. But she couldn’t stay there.

 

“You either stay here willingly or you get sedated,” J’onn gave her the option.

 

Not being aware sounded like exactly what she needed, “Sedate me.”

* * *

Kara and Maggie had shown up at the DEO at the same time and walked to Alex’s room together. But when they got there they were surprised to see Alex fighting against the hold of two agents, who were trying to hold her down, “What the hell is going on here?” Kara asked as she rushed forward and pushed the agents away.

 

“She’s asleep,” the breathless doctor, who was sporting a bloody nose, explained, “She’s sleep walking.”

 

Kara looked to Alex whose eyes were open, but unseeing. Much like she had been, in her apartment the night of the shooting. “This is what she was like in the apartment during the shooting,” she explained looking to the doctor, “Could she have been asleep then?”

 

The doctor nodded, “It’s an artificial sleep. Probably residual Klynse toxin’s in her system, still reacting to the sedation.”

 

“Why was she sedated? She was fine when we left,” Maggie asked.

 

“You’ll have to talk to direction Henshaw about that,” the doctor shrugged.

 

Alex finally calmed down after a while and seemed to be really sleeping finally, only minutes later J’onn walked in, “Why did you sedate her?” Kara asked, anger coating her words.

 

“She was going to leave,” he answered calmly. “I gave her the option of staying on her own or being sedated. She chose to be sedated.”

 

“Of course, she did. She’s been trying to escape reality this whole time,” Maggie said exasperated. She moved to the side of Alex’s bed and took her hand.

 

“She told me what she saw when the Shrell touched her,” J’onn said quietly.

 

Maggie and Kara both looked at him expectantly.

 

“It is not mine to tell, but I fear for her,” he explained before continuing. “She said that she pushed everyone away and in the end, she takes her own life,” he said sadness in his tone.

 

“Oh no,” Kara sighed. “That would never happen though,” she looked to J’onn helpless, “Would it?”

 

“From what I understand, the Shrell visions, can be changed, but its convincing someone who has seen their future, that it can change, that is the hard part.”

 

“What do we do?” Kara asked, taking the hand Maggie wasn’t holding.

 

“We help her see that, that future isn’t hers,” Maggie said with determination.

* * *

When Alex woke up, she was alone except for the doctor who was looking over her charts. He looked at her untrustingly, and she wondered if it had anything to do with his bruised eyes and nose.

 

“There was an all hands on deck situation, they’ll be back soon,” he told her as she looked around the room and then he left.

 

Alex jumped into action as soon as she was completely alone. She got up and unattached herself from all the machines and crept toward the door. She peeked out and saw agents running back and forth. Thankfully their distraction meant no one would pay her any attention. She snuck into the locker room and hurriedly put on her extra outfit she always kept in her locker. She felt guilty leaving without telling anyone, but she needed to do this on her own.

 

She was never more glad to be an over-prepared person as she was at that moment as she grabbed the bag in her locker holding toiletries, money and an extra cellphone. She grabbed a hoodie and put the hood up, thinking briefly it would only bring more attention, she put the hood back down and just kept her head down, walking as normally but as quickly as possible. She was soon outside the DEO and she never looked back as she took off in a run.

* * *

 Kara was devastated as she entered the room where Alex had been and found the bed empty. She was sitting dejectedly on the bed when her phone buzzed in her pocket, it was a text…

 

Unknown: I’m sorry to leave you again. I feel like I need to do this on my own. I love you and I’m sorry          for hurting you. I promise to keep in touch, but don’t try to find me. I will come back when I’m ready. Please take care of yourself. Alex.

 

While relieved that Alex had told her what, she was doing this time, she still felt dejected and cried for herself and for Alex.

 

“Did Alex text you?” Maggie asked her as she entered the room several minutes later. Kara wiped at the tears still on her cheeks and nodded.

 

“I’m assuming she didn’t tell you where she was going,” Maggie said sitting on the bed beside Kara.

 

“No, she said that she needed to do this by herself and that she was sorry,” Kara said, “And to take care of myself.”

 

Maggie nodded, “She asked me to take care of you,” Maggie told her, leaving out the part where Alex had said she wasn’t sure why Maggie was staying around, but she was thankful. Maggie had decided then and there that if Alex could heal she would make sure she never doubted how Maggie felt for her again.

* * *

Eight months later, Maggie and Kara were in Kara’s apartment having dinner, they had become good friends, the crisis bonding them deeply. Alex had been keeping them both up to date with her progress, never really giving details, but telling them all the places she had visited on her little sabbatical.

 

It was driving Kara insane to not know more, but she was being patient for Alex.

 

Their conversation was interrupted by their phones going off at the same time, it was a text…

 

Alex: I’m coming home.


	5. Chapter 5

It had been two days since Alex had texted to say she was coming home, but she had explained she was driving and it would take a while. Kara and Maggie were both a nervous wreck waiting for Alex to show up at Kara's apartment. Maggie had offered to wait so that Kara and Alex could be alone, but Kara had insisted she be there, knowing she was just as affected by the whole ordeal as Kara was.

 

"She said two hours," Kara said, talking about the text they had gotten earlier that day saying Alex was back in the city, "It's been nearly three now."

 

Maggie, placed a calming hand on Kara's arm, "She'll be here."

 

After another ten minutes, there was a knock on the door and Kara was there before Maggie was even standing. The first thing Kara registered was that Alex was smiling, the second was a large dog sitting patiently by Alex's side.

 

"Hey," Alex said, sounding refreshingly normal.

 

"Hey," Kara finally said pulling her gaze away from the beefy dog. Alex stepped forward and pulled Kara into a hug. Kara sighed as she sunk into it.

 

"I'm sorry," Alex whispered.

 

They stood simply embracing before Alex finally pulled away. She smiled again, "Can I come in?"

 

Kara quickly stepped out of the way, "Of course, sorry."

 

"In," Alex said and the dog popped up and went into the apartment making a beeline for Maggie and sniffing her. "He's friendly," Alex offered as Maggie hesitantly patted the beasts head.

 

Kara grabbed the bag Alex reached for on the ground and as Alex started to move into the apartment Kara realized she had a very apparent limp.

 

"What happened?" Kara asked, grasping Alex's arm.

 

Alex pulled her arm away, "It’s OK," she smiled as she stopped in front of Maggie.

 

Maggie started to talk, but stopped as she was pulled into a hug. Alex didn't say anything but held her tightly and when she stepped back she grasped Maggie's hand and squeezed it. They all moved to the sofa where Alex dropped heavily on it with a slight grimace. Kara sat beside Alex as Maggie sat on the nearby chair.

 

"Are you going to tell us why your limping?" Maggie asked.

 

Alex shook her head, "No, I am going to introduce you to Oaf," she said, rubbing the wide chest of the dog that had trotted to her side when she sat down.

 

"You don't even like dogs," Kara said, looking slightly fearful of the big dog.

 

"I like this one," Alex said, putting her head against the giant head of Oaf. "He's a good boy. Aren't you buddy?" she talked to the dog.

 

"What kind is he?" Maggie asked moving closer to pet the dog. He was white and brindle with a slightly flat face.

 

"He's an American Bulldog," Alex answered proudly. "He sort of found me. I looked for his owner but never found anyone. Which is sad for them but a blessing for me." She turned to Kara, "Pet him, he's really friendly I promise."

 

Kara preferred tiny little fluffy lapdogs, but there was something slightly appealing about Oaf and his large tongue lolling happily out of the side of his mouth. She moved cautiously, but all the fear vanished when Oaf collapsed to the floor exposing his pink belly to her. Kara and Maggie both “awwwed” as they got on the floor to properly pet the needy dog.

 

After minutes of playing with the dog, Kara tried to get Alex to talk again, "You can't seriously think you're going to get away with not telling us about the limp."

 

Alex sighed and leaned back against the couch, "It's just going to upset you," Alex turned and took Kara's hand, "It will heal."

 

"Fine just tell us when it happened and are you in pain?" Maggie bargained.

 

"It happened seven months ago. The first couple of months were rough. I am in pain, but I'm managing it," she flashed a smile. "Happy now moms?"

 

"Not really," Kara and Maggie answered together.

 

Alex sighed, "Can I ask you a huge favor?" she asked Maggie, changing the subject.

 

"Sure," Maggie answered immediately.

 

"I know your apartment allows pets, and I just got the stink eye from Kara's neighbors bringing him in here. Can I stay with you tonight?"

 

Maggie answered again without hesitation, the longer she could keep Alex in her presence she would, "Of course, you can stay as long as you want."

 

"Thank you. I'm going to get a room somewhere tomorrow, I just don't feel like doing it tonight," Alex explained.

 

"Why aren't you going to your place?" Kara asked curiously.

 

"I'm going to find somewhere else to live," Alex said calmly, "I killed a man there. I don't want to go back."

 

"Did you know who he was?" Kara asked, having not been able to get any answers from Alex when it first happened.

 

"He was a customer at Bliss. He had been going for a long time and his mind was really messed up. He saw me as some kind of threat I think," Alex was looking off, lost in the memory. "He followed me home and was yelling and he attacked me. I defended myself." She shook her head, physically jolting herself out of the memory.

 

Maggie not wanting the darkness she could see creeping into Alex's features to latch on, changed the subject, "So how exactly did you get Oaf?"

 

Alex smiled, "I was in a park and he walked up to me and sat on my foot. He was dirty and skinny. I tried to shoo him away but he put his head on my knee and I fell in love. I looked around for any possible owners for a couple of hours, but he obviously didn't have any. So, I got him cleaned up and fed and he hasn't left my side since."

 

"Well his name is definitely fitting," Kara laughed as the big dog collapsed to the floor with a sigh, falling asleep nearly instantly.

 

They talked until Alex started yawning and her and Maggie left, Alex promising to come back the next day to see Kara.

 

Once out in the hall, Maggie quickly realized Alex had been downplaying her pain as her limp was much more pronounced and she was moving slowly, a grimace on her face. Maggie wordlessly offers an arm for Alex to lean on, which surprisingly Alex does with no argument. The trip to Maggie's apartment is made in mostly silence, but it’s not an uncomfortable one.

 

"You can sleep in the bed, Maggie offered once they were in the apartment, "I just changed the sheets and everything."

 

"I'm not going to take your bed," Alex started to argue but was interrupted by Maggie.

 

"I'm not going to argue with you. You in obvious pain. You're taking the bed," she said leaving no room for arguments.

 

Alex held up her hands chuckling, "Fine you win."

 

Maggie was glad Alex hadn't fought her too hard, "Are you hungry?" They hadn't eaten anything while at Kara's.

 

"I am actually," Alex replied. "Do you have any eggs? I've been craving a good omelet."

 

"Can you cook?" Maggie asked.

 

"I can cook spaghetti."

 

"Well it just so happens that I make a mean omelet and just got groceries," Maggie laughed. She gestured toward the bag at Alex's feet, "You should go ahead and get ready for bed. Breakfast at night is best enjoyed in pajamas I think."

 

Alex agreed and left to shower and change. While she was gone, Maggie worked quickly fixing the best omelet she had ever cooked. She was excited and nervous having Alex with her. She had so many questions, but also didn't want to scare Alex away. Even though Alex seemed to be doing much better, Maggie wasn't willing to risk setting her off again.

 

By the time, Alex came back out Maggie was setting the finished omelets on the table, "These look amazing," Alex said as she sat at the table.

 

"What do you want to drink?" Maggie asked. "I have beer or soda."

 

"Soda please," Alex answered. "No more alcohol for me."

 

Maggie grabbed two sodas and moved to the table, feeling oddly excited about sharing a meal with the other woman. They shared uncomplicated small-talk, laughing at stories of Oafs antics. It had been a long time since Maggie felt so at ease. They had lapsed into silence and Maggie could feel Alex looking at her when she looked up, Alex had an odd expression, "What?" Maggie asked feeling slightly self-conscious.

 

"Why did you stick around?" Alex asked matter of factly.

 

Maggie fiddled with her fork self-consciously as she answered, "I care about you. I care about Kara."

 

Before she could continue, Alex put a hand on her arm, "I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. I can't thank you enough for being there for Kara. It just surprised me when I woke up and you were there," she shook Maggie's arm lightly and smiled, "Not a bad surprise at all."

 

Maggie calmed down slightly and put her hand over Alex's, "I didn't handle expressing my feelings for you well at all and ended up hurting you," guilt filled Maggie as she talked about it. "I do want to be part of your life if you will let me. Whether it's as a friend," she sighed, and cleared her throat, "Or as more..." she shrugged, uncomfortable again.

 

Alex leaned over and kissed Maggie lightly on the lips, "I'm too tired to express my feelings properly at the moment, but I do want to talk about us soon."

 

Maggie could feel her embarrassingly big smile as she blushed slightly, which she never did, and was only able to get out an, "OK." She rolled her eyes as Alex laughed at her. They went to bed shortly after that, but Maggie spent most of the night lying awake thinking too much.

 

Maggie was in that peaceful place just between sleep and wakefulness when she felt hot breath on her face, just before the pungent smell of dog breathe assaulted her. When she opened her eyes all she could see was a wide mouth and a pink tongue.

 

"I wish I could say that's the most disturbing thing I've woken up to?" Maggie muttered as she moved to a sitting position.

 

"He's been watching you sleep for ten minutes now," Alex said with a laugh from where she was sitting at the dining room table. "He was making out with you for five of those minutes."

 

Maggie froze turning to look at Alex fully. She was relieved to see a teasing grin on her face, "You better be glad you're joking," Maggie said only half serious. She stood and stretched absentmindedly scratching behind Oafs ears as she made her way to the bathroom. When she came back out Alex held out a cup of coffee for her and for a brief second her mind flashed to what her future could be, "What are you doing?" she asked, mostly to keep certain thoughts out of her head.

 

Alex sat back down at the table, her phone in her hand, "I'm looking at apartments," she smiled. "Its slim pickings out there when you have a mutant dog."

 

Maggie glanced at the dog in question who was inappropriately licking himself, "You welcome to stay here as long as you need." Maggie offered.

 

Alex smiled, "Thank you, but I was hoping to date you instead of live with you."

 

Maggie coughed as she swallowed her hot coffee too fast at the words, "What?"

 

"If you’re interested, I would like to give us a chance. At this point we've both messed up, but I am too drawn to you to not give us a real go," Alex paused looking down, uncomfortable now. "I mean if you want to."

 

Maggie was smiling so big that her cheeks were actually hurting. Trying to keep her cool she simply said, "I would like that. I definitely want that," then she giggled. So much for keeping her cool.

 

Alex laughed and grabbed her hand, pulling her closer until she placed a kiss on her lips, "Good."


	6. Chapter 6

Alex winced as a sharp pain shot up her leg into her hip. A sure sign she had been sitting for too long. She sighed in frustration, the injury a reminder of how she had almost let her grief take away everything. She had been surprised that Kara and Maggie had let her get away with not telling them exactly what had happened, but also knew that the reprieve wouldn't last long. Maggie had left for work nearly an hour ago, and Alex was still in her apartment looking at over-priced apartments. She had an appointment to see two apartments later that day.

She grabbed Oafs leash and a bottle of water, noticing that the dog was getting bored. He was used to being walked outside hourly due to Alex's injury plaguing her if she sat too long. Who knew having a dog could be such good exercise? 

She ended up spending most of the day outside simply enjoying the beautiful weather. She found herself appreciating the small things much more now that she could see past what the Shrell had shown her. She knew that she had to live her life and only she could control her future.

By the time, she had shown up to Kara's apartment for their planned dinner she had already secured a decent apartment with a short lease until she had something more permanent and had lucked out that the tenants would be out in only a few days. She figured she would just take Maggie up on her offer to stay longer. It wasn't exactly a hardship spending time with the other woman.

This morning before Maggie had left they had shared a kiss at the door and Alex could still feel the press of Maggie's lips against her own and found herself smiling at random moments.

When she showed up to Kara’s for dinner, the apartment door swung open as soon as she was in front of it, "Hey!" Kara said cheerfully. There was also a sense of underlying relief in Kara's tone and a stab of guilt rushed through Alex's body.

She pulled Kara toward her for a hug, "Hey. I'm starving, what are we going to eat?"

"Probably Pizza," Kara said with a smile. "Maggie is picking it up dinner on her way over and it's her favorite."

"So, are you and Maggie besties now or something?" Alex asked, teasing, but curious about the new bond.

Kara smiled slightly, "She really helped me through the whole thing. She was there through it all.”

Alex grabbed Kara's hand, "I'm so sorry," she said softly, knowing it would never be enough for what she put Kara through.

Kara pulled her into another hug, "You know you're going to have to tell me about your leg, right?" Kara announced, predictably.

Alex couldn't help but smile, "After dinner I promise I will tell you,” even though she wished she didn’t have to relive it.

Kara nodded, "So Maggie told me you two might be giving a relationship a shot," Kara changed the subject.

Alex couldn’t help the smile that came to her face. She nodded.

Kara’s smile almost eclipsed Alex’s as she practically bounced in her excitement, “That’s so great.”

"I thought a lot about life while I was gone," Alex admitted. "I kept trying to replace the images I had from the Shrell with what I really wanted in life and Maggie always seemed to be there," she couldn't help but smile.  
  
Kara squealed and pulled Alex into an almost too tight hug, but Alex just held on as tight as she could. They were startled apart by a knock on the door, "It’s your girlfriend," Kara giggled as she scanned through the door.   
  
Alex rolled her eyes and lightly pushed Kara as she walked toward the door. As Alex approached the door she felt a slight thrill at the prospect of seeing Maggie. She felt slightly foolish, knowing she just saw her that morning, but when she pulled open the door and saw the megawatt smile that greeted her, she no longer felt foolish.  
  
"Hey," Maggie said from behind a stack of 4 pizzas she held in her hand. "I brought dinner."  
  
"Yeah dinner for 10," Alex laughed taking two of the pizzas.  
  
"I'm hungry," Kara said from right behind Alex grabbing the pizzas out of her hands.  
  
"I like left over pizza so I usually order too much and just munch on it for the next two days," Maggie explained with a shrug.  
  
"Oh that's healthy," Alex said sarcastically and she took a bite from a large slice of pizza.  
  
Maggie only raised an eyebrow in response.

They shared mostly small talk while they all gorged themselves on pizza, not straying to any too serious topics. Alex had missed this, just talking to someone. Her time away trying to heal had been hard and lonely. She was lost in thought until she realized the conversation had stopped. She met the worried gazes of the two other women, “I’m sorry. I was just lost in my head for a minute.” She was relieved when the conversation started again with no questions.

Alex’s luck ran out when all the mess from dinner was cleaned up and Kara and Maggie sat on either side of her looking at her meaningfully, “I guess it’s time to start talking.”

Kara simply nodded.

Alex took a deep breath and prepared herself to relive the hard first couple of months of her time away.

 _3 Weeks after leaving the DEO_ …

_Alex was pleasantly numb from the copious amount of alcohol in her system. She was distantly aware that she had over done it this time, more drunk than she had been in a while. Still she decided to get into her car and drive. She was in bumfuck nowhere and figured she could make it back to her motel safe enough._

“The next thing I know I’m waking up in my car and its wrapped around a tree,” Alex shivered as she remembered the pain and fear. She kept her eyes down, not willing to look up and see the judgement on the others faces. “I’m so lucky I didn’t hit any other cars.”

“Do you think you were trying to kill yourself by driving drunk like that?” Kara asked, her voice soft.

“Maybe subconsciously I was. I don’t know. I don’t think I was,” Alex answered, frowning. She wished she knew the answer, but was even more afraid that she did know it. “I don’t know what I was thinking, thankfully I had the presence of mind to buckle-up. I also lucked out with my injury.”

“How is being barely able to walk and in pain lucky?” Kara asked incredulously, the worried sister in her coming out.

“I didn’t break anything and when it finally heals it will be like nothing ever happened,” Alex explained grasping Kara’s hand comfortingly.

“I’m glad you told us,” Maggie spoke up from beside them. When Alex looked in her direction, she could see slight anger on her face, but there was also fear there.

“I haven’t had a drink since then. I’m not even taking anything for pain,” Alex assured.

Seemingly unable to hold back anymore, Kara leaned forward and drew Alex into a hug. It was bordering on too tight, but Alex welcomed it with a sigh. They shared a laugh when Kara reached over and pulled Maggie into the hug with them.

* * *

After another hour of talking, Alex and Maggie had left together to head back to Maggie’s apartment. The ride had been quiet with both of them lost in their own thoughts. When they got home, Alex had said she was tired and when straight to bed. Maggie sat on the couch thinking until she had finally drifted off to sleep.

What felt like only minutes later she jerked awake to the sound of shouts coming from the bedroom. She jumped up and rushed into the room to see Alex on the bed uncovered, fighting against some unseen force holding her down. She was on her back arms and legs spread, as she shouted at her attacker.

Not wanting to frighten Alex, Maggie called her name. When she got no response, she called louder until finally Alex went completely still and seconds later she jerked away with a scream, “Its OK,” Maggie sat on the edge of the bed but didn’t touch Alex. “It was just a dream. You’re safe.”

Alex was tense as she looked around the room frantically, but calmed down when she realized there was no threat, “Maggie?” she whispered.

Maggie laid a hand on her arm, “I’m right here. You’re OK.”

Alex nodded and wiped at the sweat that was pouring down her face. It was only then that Maggie realized that Alex was completely drenched. When Alex seemed, a little clearer Maggie suggested, “Why don’t you go get cleaned up in the bathroom? It will make you feel better.”

Alex nodded, and wordlessly grabbed some clean clothes and padded into the bathroom.

Maggie pulled the wet sheets off the bed and hurriedly replaced them with clean ones and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. She was sitting on the side of the bed when Alex walked out of the bedroom freshly showered and looking exhausted, but not confused anymore.

“You should drink this,” Maggie suggested passing the bottle to Alex.

“Thanks,” Alex drank most of the bottle in one go. She sat on the bed, her back against the headboard, “I haven’t had one of those in a while,” she explained. “I was having them every night in the beginning. I can’t ever remember what they’re about. I just remember the fear,” she shivered, reaching down to pull the blanket over her.

Feeling helpless, Maggie looked to Oaf who was on the floor looking at the two of them curiously, “How about me and Oaf here lay down with you for a bit? He looks like a pretty good cuddle buddy, and I know for sure I am,” she said trying to lighten the mood. Her heart sored when she got a small smile from Alex.

“He is actually used to sleeping with me, but I didn’t want him on your bed. I know you’re not much of a pet person,” Alex said smiling fondly at the big dog.

Maggie patted the bed and called him up onto the bed and laughed as he responded immediately and flopped down right in Alex’s lap. Alex wrapped her arms around him kissing his head.

Maggie scooted back on the bed until her back was against the headboard, much like Alex and pet Oafs back, “You got the better end I think,” she commented as she was getting whipped with Oafs vigorously wagging tail.    

“At least he isn’t farting yet,” Alex said with a laugh.

The thought was extremely unappealing, but Maggie would put up with anything to be able to spend this time with Alex. They lapsed into a comfortable silence, simply bestowing Oaf with attention that he ate up with a sated expression on a dog could pull off.

“I’m sorry I woke you,” Alex said sometime later.

“It’s no problem,” Maggie said smiling, “I’m kind of enjoying myself now.”

Alex chuckled and held out her hand, “Can you move closer?”

Maggie did as requested, having to adjust Oaf a little, but trying not to take away the obvious comfort he was offering Alex. They simply sat in silence holding hands, snickering occasionally as the farts Alex had warned of before made themselves known.

Oaf eventually wandered down toward the end of the bed and Alex scooted even closer to Maggie, “Can I kiss you?”

The question sent a delighted shiver through Maggie’s body, she could only manage a nod as Alex leaned closer and kissed her. Maggie lost track of time as they made out like a couple of teenagers, kissing and laughing, until Alex finally fell asleep. She was laying facing Maggie and her face was peaceful, so much different than how the night had started. Maggie wasn’t really one to for sappy romantic notions, but she knew she had never been more content than simply laying there staring at Alex, with a snoring, farting dog asleep on her legs.


	7. Chapter 7

It had taken almost two weeks, but Alex was finally in her own apartment. It was nearly empty, her furniture consisting of a couch, that was so comfortable she decided to just forgo a bed and sleep on it, a TV on a table in front of it, a small bookcase with her favorite books she always had nearby, a small two drawer dresser, and a rack where she hung her work clothes, even though she had no idea when she would return. There was a large bed for Oaf as well as his food and water bowl and that was all she wanted in the space. Maggie and Kara had tried to convince her to add more, but she was keeping it minimal for a reason. She was a completely different person now and she wanted to slowly find out who that person truly was. So was starting with a completely blank slate, quite literally.

The first night she had spent alone in the apartment, had been lonely, having gotten used to Maggie being with her at night. But as the days went on it was easier. She had started to write in a journal, something she had always wanted to do but never started. Her brain was so full all the time and the journal was a nice way to a get all the thoughts out and clear her mind.

She still had pain in her leg, but she could tell it was slowly but surely starting to get better. It seemed like each day there was just a little less pain and she could get around just a little bit better. She knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to work anytime soon, but she needed to talk to J’onn, having put it off for as long as she dared. Which is why she found herself now, sitting in his small office waiting for him to come in.

She was nervous, even though J’onn was one of the few people who had ever seen her at her most vulnerable. She felt like she had let him down by being weak. He had taught her to be strong. To be a fighter.

She turned quickly as the door opened behind her and was relieved to see J’onn smiling.

“Welcome back,” J’onn said as he walked around and sat at the other side of his desk across from Alex. “Kara tells me you’re injured?”

Alex is taken aback by the question for a second before answering, “Yes. I hurt my leg,” she offered.

“Are you interested in coming back to work when you are well?”

Alex unconsciously sat up straighter in her seat, “Yes sir,” she had been preparing herself for this conversation but hadn’t planned to open with it.

J’onn nodded, “As soon as you’re completely healed and have a doctor’s clearance, you still have your job hear.”

Alex had to concentrate hard on not crying, the relief almost too much, “Thank you sir.”

“If you have any problems, I mean about anything,” he emphasized, “I want you to come to me. I am always here for you.”

Alex lost the battle with her tears as one trickled down her cheek, “Yes, I know sir. I know that now sir. I could have saved a lot of people a lot of pain, if I had just been strong enough to ask for help. You taught me better than that.”

J’onn nodded again and reached across the desk and squeezed Alex’s hand, then sat up straight again, “So do I have a story to tell you about the new recruits,” J’onn chuckled.

They talked for nearly an hour before J’onn was called away. The meeting went completely different than what she had been prepared for but she was relieved that her relationship with J’onn had seemed to weather the storm.

“Alex,” she turned as her name was called. Turning she saw Winn jogging toward her with a smile, she couldn’t help but return her own. She never really understood it, but she always had a soft spot for the guy.

“Hey,” he was slightly out of breath from his run across the building, “Kara said you were probably going to come in today. It’s great to see you.”

Not sure what inspired her to do it she found herself pulling him into a hug, “I hear you put in a lot of work trying to help me,” she explained when she pulled away, “Thank you.”

Winn nodded, his cheeks turning slightly pink, “You’re Welcome.”

* * *

After leaving the DEO, Alex felt restless and with Maggie and Kara both at work she decided to go see a movie in the theater, which she hadn’t done in years. She ended up watching several movies, just enjoying losing herself in the stories on screen.

Later, she was a few steps from her apartment door when it burst open, "Where have you been?" Kara asked, clear worry on her face. Maggie came out of the apartment behind Kara, calmer but looking angry.

Alex frowned, "I went to see a movie and ended up watching three. It was some promotional thing the theater was doing," she explained not understanding the issue.  
  
"Why didn't you answer your phone? You always have it on vibrate," Kara accused.  
  
Alex pulled her phone out of her pocket and realized the battery had died, "Its dead," she said holding up the phone. "What's wrong, did something happen?"  
  
"We didn’t know where you were, for hours," Kara said incredulously.   
  
Then it dawned on Alex what was going on, "You thought I ran off again."  
  
"We were just worried," Maggie tried to placate.  
  
"So what? Am I supposed to check in now? Are you two my babysitters?" Alex was getting angry, feeling attacked.  
  
"Yes!" Kara yelled, throwing her hands up in frustration. "We just got you back Alex."  
  
Kara's anger surprised Alex. She had seemed OK about everything since she had gotten back. Alex didn't think about any of the lingering issues caused by what she had done. Now she knew it was dumb of her to think everything would just go back to normal.  
  
"Let’s go inside," she suggested. Kara turned and went inside.  
  
"Maybe I should leave," Maggie offered, her body already turned to go.   
  
Alex grabbed her arm, "No please stay. This involves you too."   
  
They were all sitting on the couch, "Tell me what's on your mind Kara," Alex coerced. "Don't hold anything back." Alex could see the muscles in Kara's jaw flexing as she restrained herself, "We aren't going to be able to move forward if we keep holding back," Alex pushed.  
  
Kara sighed, "Why was it so easy for you to just leave us?" she finally asked. "You just left and didn't give me a chance to help. You disappeared and there was nothing I could do."

Alex was quiet sensing there was more that Kara wanted to say.

“You just left. Ever since I came to live with your family it’s been me and you. You’ve always been there and you just left,” Kara wiped at the tears on her cheeks.

Alex put a hand on Kara’s arm, relieved when she wasn’t shrugged off, “I wasn’t myself Kara. I know it’s a weak excuse, but I wasn’t thinking about anything. My mind was so messed up that I really don’t even remember what I was thinking at the time. I didn’t really come back to myself until a week after I left.” Alex sighed, “I will never be able to make what I did right. I can only tell you that it will never happen again.”  
  
“You did have the presence of mind to text us,” Kara whispered, “I guess it could have been worse.”

Alex smiled, “Don’t try to make me feel better.” Alex reached beside her for Maggie’s hand, “I have the two of the most important people in the world right here,” Alex felt slightly corny saying the words, but she meant them wholeheartedly. “I realized that this right here,” she squeezed the hands she was holding, “Is the most important thing.” She got two squeezes in answer and then laughed as she was hugged from the front and the back.

* * *

They had talked for nearly an hour before Kara was called away on Supergirl duty. That left Alex and Maggie alone in Alex’s apartment, “Do you want to order some food? I know you don’t have anything here,” Maggie asked, smiling slightly.

“You’re funny,” Alex replied. Maggie had been teasing her about her nearly empty apartment, since she had decided to go with the minimalist approach. “Let’s do Chinese,” Alex suggested. While Maggie called in the order Alex took Oaf for a short walk, he had been very patient while they had had their conversation.

When she walked back into her apartment, Maggie was casually sitting on her sofa flipping through the channels. Alex got a slight thrill at how comfortable Maggie seemed to be. She took off Oafs harness and gave him his after walk scratches, and then she made her way to the couch. She ran a hand along Maggie’s shoulders and sat right next to her, their bodies close together. She put her hand on Maggie’s thigh and smiled at the slight intake of breath from the other woman.

"What do you feel like watching?" Maggie asked, her voice slightly higher than normal.  
  
Alex turned on the couch so she could see Maggie better, "Are you nervous?"   
  
Maggie sighed, "Yes. And I don't even know why," she huffed rubbing her hands over her face.  
  
Alex chuckled, "Because you're adorable." She pulled Maggie to her for a kiss. Just as it started to deepen the doorbell rang.  
  
Maggie stood, grumbling something about timing and Alex couldn't help but laugh. They sat on the floor in front of the couch, spreading out the food around them, eating as they watched chefs compete against each other on TV.   
  
Once they were full they moved the food to the side and pulled a blanket onto the floor and cuddled together. Alex noticed that every time she touched Maggie, no matter how lightly, Maggie would shiver. Curious, Alex muted the TV, “Is something wrong?”

Maggie looked surprised at the question, “No, of course not.”

“You acting a little strange, every time I touch you, you tremble?” Alex rubbed Maggie’s thigh and was rewarded with a slight shiver.

Maggie sighed and rolled her eyes, “I don’t know what’s going on with me. I’m just super aware of you right now.”

Alex cocked her head to the side, “What do you mean?”

“Ever since I first saw you, I’ve been oddly drawn to you. I mean it’s so different than I’ve reacted to any other woman. And then you said you weren’t even gay, which I must admit, I never believed,” she chuckled, and Alex smirked. “When you disappeared, I thought for sure that was the end of us, and it hurt that I didn’t even get a chance to try with you. I will admit that I was angry at you for taking that away from us.”

Alex grasped Maggie’s hand intertwining their fingers.

“I know you weren’t really you when everything was happening, but it made me feel unwanted, and its selfish to think of myself, when you were going through what you were, but it hurt so much,” a tear escaped down her cheek and she wiped it away.

“You aren’t selfish,” Alex said, turning Maggie’s face so she was looking at Alex. “I was the selfish one. You’re the one that stayed there. You fought for us by staying by my side and I will never be able to explain to you what that means to me.” Alex kissed Maggie’s lips lightly, “While I was gone, you were in my thoughts so much. I figured out very quickly that for my life to be good and fulfilled, I had to at least try to have you in it. Having you stay at the hospital for me, gave me some hope.”

“I just couldn’t leave,” Maggie admitted.

Alex smiled and kissed her again, just because she couldn’t help herself, “If you’re willing, let’s have a bit of a start over. I’m not trying to belittle what we’ve already been through, but I want us to start right now with a clean slate.”

Maggie was shivering again, “I don’t know why I keep shaking. I’m feeling so much right now. I don’t know how to handle it?”

“What do you want to do?” Alex asked softly, rubbing her thumb over the back of Maggie’s hand.   
  
“I’m just overwhelmed, because I thought I lost this,” she said gesturing between them. She looked at Alex and smiled, “I’m happy,” she shrugged. Then without preamble she leaned forward and kissed Alex.

Minutes later, Maggie was straddling Alex’s lap and had her hands buried in her hair. She suddenly pulled back, breathing heavily, “We should go on a date,” she suggested before pulling Alex back into the kiss.

“Uh, yeah,” Alex said once they broke apart again, she was having problems focusing, her brain over stimulated.

Maggie chuckled, “What should we do on our first date?”

“I think more of this would be really good,” Alex answered rubbing her hands up and down Maggie’s sides.

Maggie smirked and leaned down saying, “I’m OK with that,” before she took Alex’s mouth gain.

After several more minutes of kissing and groping, Maggie pulled back once again, “I don’t want to leave, but I really need to get some sleep, and since someone doesn’t have a real bed…” she trailed off with a teasing smile.

Alex smiled and pushed Maggie gently off her lap, before standing and walking to the closet in the corner. She pulled out a box and dropped it in front of Maggie, “The best air mattress money can buy my dear friend,” she joked as she kneeled and started to open the box.

Maggie laughed and joined her, “So you were pretty confident, I would be staying over.”

Alex smirked, “I have that effect on you.”

“True that,” Maggie laughed.

After a lot of laughing and teasing, they had the mattress inflated and covered in several layers of blankets. Maggie was lying on the bed, petting Oaf who was sprawled out across most of the surface, as Alex came out of the bathroom after washing up for the night. The joy was nearly overwhelming at the sight. “Oaf, you’re in my way,” Alex admonished and laughed when the dog grudgingly got up and moved to the foot of the bed.

“Will you be the big spoon?” Maggie asked as Alex crawled under the covers and Alex melted at the sleepy expression Maggie was throwing her.

“I love being the big spoon.”

Maggie moved onto her side and pulled Alex’s arm around her as she snuggled back against her. Alex kissed Maggie on the neck and soon felt Maggie’s breathing even out into sleep. She laid in the dark holding Maggie and listening to Oaf snore and thought about how close she came to losing her chance at this. Maggie mumbled something she couldn’t understand and snuggled further into Alex’s body and Alex declared then that, she would fight with everything she had to keep this feeling. To keep this happiness.

 

End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind words for this story. I will probably end up doing a bit of a sequel for this story eventually, but it felt like the right place to end it for now. Thank you all for reading.


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